Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
two words...techno handjob
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
