at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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