My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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