I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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