I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
