i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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