Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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