I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
