Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
