Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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