I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
