I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
