What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
