grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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