I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
