Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
