Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
