Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
