my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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