you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize