there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
