you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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