the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
