i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
