i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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