i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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