If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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