She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
