Ambien. No doubt about it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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