Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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