Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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