i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
