the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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