He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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