Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
