I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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