my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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