OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
