i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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