You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
