I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
