he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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