tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
