Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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