The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
