he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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