trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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