drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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