I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
