We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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