i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
