Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
