she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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