she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what day is it and did you see me today?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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