Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
