i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
