Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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