"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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