suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
