i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
