So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
