Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
