gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
