dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"