Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy