Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
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Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.