I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
