That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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