A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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