since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
a search helicopter?!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
