I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize