Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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