this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
