2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
